Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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