every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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