Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think my moral compass just broke
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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