i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
