like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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