This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
