By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
