Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
