I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
