You made me cry and you don't even care
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
