At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
