PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my shit smells like andre
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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