I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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