either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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