My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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