If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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