Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
