I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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