Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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