Yo dont text me then not text me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
