just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
