I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
