My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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