im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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