I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
