Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
