I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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