I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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