she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
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I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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