I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
