he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
