I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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