I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
