I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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