I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
