i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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