As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
