So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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