mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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