Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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