I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
