his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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