I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
