Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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