I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
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Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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