Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
