Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
