well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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