u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize