this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
