I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
