its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
