i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
