I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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