after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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