btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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