I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
