The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
