I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize