now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
