So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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