I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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