I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
