walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
