How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
