Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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